…though not without lots of stress, disappointment and anger on everyone’s part. I have been struggling lots with this situation (the couple with 4 children whose marriage is about to spectacularly fall apart).  We have managed to have two session over skype with them both since we were last down in Chincha, and we left some goals/tasks to do together as homework. The husband, however, seemed to be more intent on tearing his wife apart than doing the tasks we left them, and then wondered why she wasn’t changing!?!? Hmmm. Such a shame he doesn’t realise it is him who needs to change the most!

After ignoring our advice several times in favour of doing the exact opposite, we had to tell him that we were not prepared to waste our time counselling him if all he was going to do was ignore what we say. We haven’t been in contact for the last couple of weeks.

I have, however, kept in regular contact with his wife, M, and we have decided to tackle this situation from a different angle. Since her husband, A, is not ready to deal with his own personal problems (which we consider to be the bigger contribution to their failing marriage) we are now investing our energies in M’s personal development. She has been so walked over and controlled by A to the extent of not being able to make her own decisions or do anything apart from look after 4 kids (a huge job, we give her lots of credit). My sessions (roughly 3 times a week) over messenger chat, are now aimed at encouraging her independence, opportunities to learn new skills, goals to bring order back into her household and the possibility of starting a new low-key dessert-making business. She sets herself 2 goals a week and I hold her accountable.

Since we have been doing this, things seem to be a little more positive between them. Granted, A isn’t making much of an advancement, but maybe his wife’s changing focus is changing his perspective a little…?!?!?! We’ll see.

I have to confess being very faithless with very little hope in the last few weeks… but perhaps something good will come of this situation, even if a saved marriage still seems a little impossible.

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